By: Philip McClelland, LPCC

Valentine’s Day, and really the whole month of February, is filled with opportunities to follow your heart and chase your feelings. Sentiments like “If you feel it, go for it”, right next to, “if it makes you happy” abound on cards and chocolate boxes. 

There is an old story about a person feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. They would look over the fence at that grass and know the grass is so much greener over there than the plot of grass they already have. They just feel that, if they could have what is over there, they would be so much happier.

Then, they make the move and abandon their plot of grass for that new plot of grass that they felt they wanted so badly. For a time, the grass does seem greener, and it feels wonderful, but eventually the inevitable happens. They still have to water the grass, cut the grass, fertilize the grass, tend the grass and, after all of that hard work, the grass doesn’t feel so green after all. But right over that next fence, that grass seems so green, wouldn’t it be nice…

And the story repeats itself, over and over again, just following your feelings, but never really being satisfied.

That is the danger about following our feelings; they are fickle things that are never quite satisfied but are always looking for the next thing that will bring that rush of endorphins and emotions.

This doesn’t mean that we don’t honor and have an open ear to what our feelings are telling us, but we do so in a way that recognizes what feelings actually are.

Feelings are our body’s chemical reactions to environmental stimuli. Feelings are one of the many ways that our bodies interact with the outside world and give us, the person living in the body, information about that world.

We see a puppy and suddenly we feel all warm and fuzzy inside (our body’s chemical reaction to an environmental stimulus). Likewise, someone that had a bad experience with dogs sees a puppy and feels terrified and panicked (again, our body’s chemical reaction to an environmental stimulus). Two different people can see the same puppy and have two completely different feelings about the puppy. This is where we start to see why it is so important not to follow our heart, or our feelings.

The person that sees the puppy and feels all warm and fuzzy inside will inevitably (I’m speaking from personal experience) want to own the puppy so they can always have that feeling. But, like all puppies, they pee and poop on the floor, tear up the cushions or your favorite pair of shoes, and of course need constant attention. The feeling is great, but if it’s not followed up with the resources, commitment, energy, and time to care for the puppy then it is better for that person to stick with cute puppy videos on YouTube.

The same for the person that feels fear when they see the puppy because they’ve had a negative experience in the past. In all reality, that little 5-week-old puppy can do no lasting harm to a grown adult, but I have seen an individual feel so panicked they tried to climb over a couch to get away from a puppy. Again, the feelings are sharing information about the external world, but they are not the only, or even best, way of making life decisions.

When we primarily focus on feelings to make decisions in our life, we are missing out on all of the other ways that our body communicates information to us about our world. Not only that, but we are also missing out on the higher principles of life that can guide a human life with more constancy—principles like integrity, honor, courage, and patience. Feelings are important, but they can lead us astray and not always give us the correct information we need to make informed life choices.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it. Usually, it’s better to watch puppy videos than to try to own all of the puppies. Also, puppies, are just puppies, and I’m sorry you had a bad experience but it’s time to move on from that. Don’t chase feelings. Listen to your heart but don’t follow it.

Remember what kind of human being you actually want to be and let that guide your life choices and, when you do, your feelings and heart will learn to follow you.