Written by: Kaleigh Mackay, LISW. (originally written 02/14/23)

Throughout the course of life, we find ourselves interacting and participating in a multitude of relationships. Our lives are comprised of family, friends, co-workers, romantic partners and others. Our relationships can add to and influence our lives in many ways. They remind us that we are not alone on our journey and can serve as a sense of belonging and connection. However, relationships can also be unhealthy or unhelpful when they do not provide what we need or become harmful to our sense of self. For many of us, gauging the healthiness of our relationships can be difficult because our relationships involve our emotions and the emotions of others. Fortunately, there are elements to look for to help you evaluate your relationships with those around you.

1. COMMUNICATION: 

Open communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. We may all have different preferred methods of communication, but the fundamental ability for yourself and the other party to be able to exchange feelings, feedback, needs, wants and goals is a necessity for a healthy and stable relationship. To evaluate this element, ask yourself: “ Is the other party responsive and receptive to my needs, wants and feelings when I express them”? Be careful not to get stuck on “Do I feel comfortable communicating with the other party”? because there may be some self-work that needs done to enhance your ability to communicate effectively and assertively that prevents you from feeling confident to do so. Focus on the exchange of responses and reception when communication does occur.

2. TRUST: 

In healthy relationships, each participant should be able to trust one another. Trust has its foundation in reliability. It is centered around believing and knowing that someone will do what they say and do their best to protect and honor our feelings, respect our boundaries and allow us to be vulnerable with one another. Trust is built over time by repetitive follow-through of these behaviors.

3. MUTUAL RESPECT: 

Mutual respect in healthy relationships is about each person being valued for who they are and what they bring to the table. It involves seeing each person’s unique contributions to the relationship, recognizing and understanding differences and celebrating each other’s strengths, qualities and abilities. Mutual respect can be built by demonstrating and communicating these often.

4. COMPROMISE: 

Any healthy relationship comes with the ability of each party to compromise. Compromising involves the ability of each person to give a little and get a little in the in order to benefit the quality of the relationship as a whole. The ability or willingness of a person to compromise often tells us how willing a person is to prioritize the health of the relationship above their own agenda, wants or needs and is an essential part of healthy relationships.

5. ACTIVE PARTICIPATION: 

One final point of healthy relationships is active participation. An active participant is someone who is involved in what’s going on around them. Active participation means that each person in the relationship is willing to be invested and committed each day to better the quality of the relationship. Active participation requires consistent intentional effort and communicates dedication to the prioritization and health of the relationship.

Evaluating our relationships can be difficult to do but with some standard guidelines like the ones above we can have a pathway to building healthier connections with those we love and value. Standards for healthy relationships can also help us to remove unhealthy or unwanted behaviors and relationships from our lives and help us to build boundaries to protect our own mental, emotional and physical.